Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
