Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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