I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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