first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
