Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
