I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
