I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
