Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
