Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
