I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
