booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
