the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
