is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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