I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
