grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
