Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
