nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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