so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
