Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
