Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
