I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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