So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
