Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
