either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
