do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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