"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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