All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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