OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
