My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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