I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
