Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
