I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
