ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
