you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
