i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just want to make out with him forever
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
