the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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