is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
