And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
