I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
