rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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