I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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