Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
