I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
