Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
