I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
