a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
