You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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