Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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