how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i dont even know how to be here
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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