and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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