you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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