We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
