That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
