I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
