Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How external is "for external use only"?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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