That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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