So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
