i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
