im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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