I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
